On a Halloween Night...

Have you heard Martina McBride's new song? It talks about this little boy, Will, who isn't like the other kids. He has to wear braces on his legs. He can't talk that well. He doesn't know who his father is and his mom has to work two jobs to handle all their bills-- medical and otherwise. The thing about Will is that he doesn't see these things. I'm sure he realizes he's disabled but he doesn't focus on it. He focuses on laughter and activities and friendships and prayer. Martina goes on to tell us that this little boy, this seemingly insignificant child, changed the life of the author of this song. Will showed her God.

Every time I hear this song, I think about Cameron. Cameron is a little boy in our congregation who due to the stupidity of several doctors and a hospital has been severly disabled since birth. Looking at him, you can see that he can't walk or talk that well... but that smile... that smile lights up my heart. When I see Cameron, give him a high-five, everything that doesn't make sense in my life, everything that's painful goes away. The things I have experienced in my life-- playing soccer, climbing mountains, singing, chatting-- are things Cameron will probably never experience. But he has the most important thing a human could ever have-- the light of Christ. And it's the sweetest light I have ever seen.

So thinking about Cameron makes my worries disappear. Who am I to worry about my future? Cameron knows he belongs to God and that's enough. Who am I to get angry about words said without thought? Cameron speaks the word of God with every fiber of his being. Who am I? I know I am not Cameron. Yes, I can strive to be like him. But I'm set in my ways. I like to worry about things. I like to think ahead and plan. I know it's sinful (I never said I wasn't!) but I wouldn't be who I am if these things didn't occur in my life. I thank God for Cameron and for the light He's given him, but, honestly, I thank Him for making me me.

Prayer Request: David is taking his physical exam for entry into the Air Force tomorrow morning. He'll be going into Anchorage tonight to spend the night for the early morning appointment. Simply pray that God's will be done for him in his life. Then also give us the courage to talk about what'll happen when he leaves come October.

Vending Machine Theory

Welcome to the warped minds of Hannah and Julianna. This blog was written by Hannah based off a theory of Jules' which compares relationships to vending machines. VERY funny! Check it out: http://workinggirl1982.blogspot.com

Attitude Adjustment

When life starts getting crazy, do you start getting even crazier? When you're faced with a crisis, do you shift into crisis mode? When situations start to spiral out of control, does your behavior get out of control? Your behavior should be determined by your relationship with God, not by your outward circumstances. The degree to whic you respond with calmness and confidence is a measure of your trust in God. How much do you trust him? If your answer is "Not nearly enough," the solution is found in keeping your mind steadfastly focused on the goodness of God.

-Taken from "Becoming the Woman I Want To Be" by Donna Partow (pg 87)

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

This morning in my devotional time a piece of the book I'm reading struck me in a weird way. She was talking about the difference between positive thinkers and negative thinkers. We always assume (at least she and I do!) that positive thinkers include dumb blonde bimbos who don't know any better; whereas the "negative" thinkers just have more a grip on reality than others. Now, for anyone who truly knows me, y'all know that I fit these "negative" thinkers to a "T". Essentially though the author pointed out that we negative thinkers are really the dumb ones. Negative thinking leads to self-fulfilling prophecies, meaning that whatever we believe about ourselves and our worlds will come true. I guess the old addage is true "if you think you're going to lose, you will."

So what does this mean and why did it strike me so hard this morning? Well, you see, my lovely boyfriend will be joining the Air Force here soon and he'll be leaving Palmer (and me) to spend 5+ years outside training to be a para-rescuer. Generally, I'm okay with that. He needs to find some sort of direction in his life and, honestly, I've been the one encouraging him to sign up. But now, I don't know whether I should pray for him to leave or for him to stay. (There's a slim chance he may not pass the physical... long story...) So, I'm stuck in this dichotomy where I don't know which way is up, that is which way is God's way and which is mine...

Last night he told me he went to talk to the recruiter again and signed up to take the AF aptitude test Monday. Then we talked about how excited he was that Josh (pastor's son) is moving back to Alaska after graduating from Valpo. Then he said something that actually hurt my feelings alot and basically made me shut down for the rest of the evening for fear of bawling in front of him. He said, "Well, Josh being home gives you one more prospect." WHAT THE F?! Maybe it's his way of protecting himself but-- God!-- that really hurt! Can you imagine the boy you can feel yourself falling more and more in love with everyday, your boyfriend, telling you that he's checking out your prospects for when he's gone? Seriously, girls, how would that make you feel? Ugh... I don't know whether to cry or to gag.

So what's a girl to do? Do I start that negative thinking cycle again so that I come to believe that David isn't The One and that I WANT him to leave so I can get on with my life... Or do I start believing that even though he'll be gone for 5+ years, we can keep our friendship alive and maybe, just maybe, he'll come back to be with me simply because he loves me as much as I believe I love him...

I just don't know.