A Real DCE

I can't believe I'm officially a college graduate, officially a certified DCE, officially a called and nearly-commissioned churchworker. It's hard to believe that a mere five years ago I was walking across a make-shift stage in OSH's football stadium graduating from high school. I know for a fact I didn't realize where I would be in 5 years. Who would've guessed I'd be living in Alaska? Who would've guessed I would have a hiking ministry? Who would've guessed my parents would be visiting me? Who would've guessed I'd be falling for a guy so different from myself? But it's true. It's all true.

Ah, how life changes.

Yet, no matter how much it's changed, it still goes on. Life continues... especially in churchwork! Summer time is here to stay and with 23 hours of sunlight it's great to be in Alaska. I'm looking forward to taking next week off to be with my parents but I know that once I come back to work on the 27th it'll be non-stop until I leave for Rene's wedding in October (and maybe Jen's, too)! I have to admit, I love being busy. Period. It helps me to keep my mind from over-analyzing things too much... of course, I'm not too busy right now so that means I'm allowed to over-analyze and be overly-concerned about things-- namely David.

Things with David are great. I truly enjoy being around him and doing things with him... but things for our future are unknown. He's leaving at the end of September to join the Air Force for the next 4-6 years minimum. Right now I want nothing more than to just pretend he's not leaving, that he's going to realize what we have and he'll stay and we'll live happily ever after but that's pretty naive of me. Maybe my feelings will be vaildated with a 'happily ever after' with him but it won't be for many more years. So, I don't know what to feel. I don't know how to go about beginning this inevitable conversation with him. (We've attempted to start talking about it but we're both so emotional about it it gets pretty ridiculous.) I've started coming to the conclusion that God is out to break my heart. He answers my prayers with this great friend, this great guy and then he goes and tears him away from me almost exactly 1 year after he's given him to me. How can a gracious and loving God make me feel so lonely and horrible?!

This is where great logical, vulcan friends come in. My lovely Kristy says: Maybe its God's plan for you to be single right now b/c he wants to use you to the best of his ability, b/c he knows that when you meet your future husband it'll happen so fast, things will need to be able to run on their own so that you can be distracted by him. Hannah translates it like this: Maybe David is leaving so that you can focus on your ministry so that when/if you guys date more seriously you can focus on him more. Thank God for friends like that. It may be what I want to hear right now but it comforts me. I know in my heart that God isn't just out to break me down, He's out to make me stronger-- a stronger child, a stronger friend, a stronger leader and a stronger wife.

So, BRING IT ON, GOD! I can take it... as long as You're with me!