Girly Girl Things

A few months ago I wrote in my youth newsletter that I'm a girl, but I'm not a girly girl. I don't like wearing make-up or doing my hair. It took my mom years to convince me that using a brush while blow-drying my hair will make a world of difference (Thanks Mom!) And my sister is still on me about the no-make-up thing... though I do wear lip gloss and a bit of eye shadow and mascara every now and then. I guess you could say I pride myself on not being girly... but I've come the realization recently that I am very girly when it comes to my emotions and to boys.

If you've read any of my previous posts, you know the situation I'm in with David. Things through the end of July were alright, I guess. The time we spent together at the Rockey's while they were gone (I got to do laundry for free!) was interesting... Bottom line is that we miss each other's prescence and company in our lives. Well, things after July have been interesting. He's been in Palmer all of 5 non-consecutive days the entire month of August. He spent a week doing VBS in Delta, then 10 days hunting and now he's out hunting again until the middle of next week. While he's been gone, it's left me alone to think about this situation and how much it sucks.

Long story short, it came to a head yesterday. He came over to my apartment for dinner and then we went to lap-swim as usual. Except things weren't usual. I wanted to talk to him so much about what Rene' and Hannah have discussed with me-- about what I want out of this and about what he wants. But, I didn't get the nerve until after swimming. We went back to my apartment and he stayed in the car. No hug, nothing. Just said he had to go pack for hunting (he left at 4:30am today). When he left, after I closed my door, I cried. I cried for hours and hours. And, honestly, I'm not sure if it was one thing or several. If it was the avoidance of the situation on both ends or if it was my frustration with him not wanting to say good-bye. Or if it was simply the fact that I've been having a bad few days and all I wanted was to talk to my best friend... and he didn't want to talk to me.

So, he's gone for the next week. I'm left, yet again, to my own thoughts. And honestly, I'm tired of thinking about this. At this point, I don't care if I get my boyfriend back... I just want my friend. That's all. That's all I want.

Don't take me wrong-- it'd be great to get my boyfriend back. To be able to hold his hand and kiss... but honestly, I don't think either of us could handle that right now. We've struggle so much with the over-abundance-of-lust issue that any fraction of physical contact leads us down a very dark path... it's my hope and prayer that when David gets back and I finally get the nerve to sit down and talk to him that we can work through these issues (and many more) together as friends with God. (See below) Because that's all I really want. I want my friend back.

P.S.
I found this great book by Joshua Harris, who I usually can't stand but this book is pretty darn good. It's called "Not Even A Hint" and it's about our struggle with lust. Plus it comes with study guides for men and women to use. So, I'm gonna go buy those guides in hopes that he'll embrace this idea of bringing God into our relationship... something we've been leaving out.

Summer Update

After much prodding from Hannah Louise, I've decided it's about time to blog once more. It's been 6 weeks since I last entered and a whole lot has happened. Actually, scratch that, it's more like a whole lot of nothing has happened. Here's the low-down on happenings in P-town :)

July:
Healy Lake Outreach Event
The week of the 10th thru 15th was supposed to be spent bonding with four of my youth at the Healy Lake Outreach Event. The plan was to drive to Delta Junction (6hrs north) then be transported to the river where several boats would carry us and our stuff to the native community of Healy Lake. Well, when we arrived in Delta late Sunday night, we decided to wait until morning to go up river. Once Monday morning arrived, we received a phone call that the family taking us into the community had their eldest daughter commit suicide so they were coming out but weren't going back in. We waited until the afternoon but couldn't find another family to talk us there. So, we hang out Monday in Delta and waited for Tuesday morning. Well, as luck would have it, we still couldn't find a family to take us until that afternoon. So, we loaded up my GMC Jimmy and the trailer and high-tailed it down a gravel road another hour north of Delta. All of a sudden we had to stop because the road-- 4 ft below river level-- had been washed out in 4 places. So, we went back to Delta and decided to simply return home Wednesday morning. Somebody was working pretty hard to not have us there so we weren't about to tempt fate.

Kaleidoscope 2005
K-Scope took place from the 17-22 and it absolutely rocked my world! I got to spend a week hanging out with 28 high school youth and 5 adults learning about God and our relationship with him. I honestly think I got more out of the week than they did!

House-Sitting, etc.
July 24-Aug 2nd was spent housesitting for The Rockey family. (Actually, David housesat until the 30th then I took over.) BUT-- on the way to drop David off at the Rockey's so he could take them to the airport, I hit their neighbors' dog. The first animal I've ever hit and it had to be in front of its entire family. Needless to say the owner was pissed. I was so upset I was shaking and crying. I never wanted to drive again... especially, not past that house. To make a long story, shorter, the dog is fine and house-sitting went well.

August:
This month has been filled with LOTS of youth events... too many to mention, really. President Gerry Keischnick visited St John's on Sunday, August 7th. I got to do the Children's Message for his sermon-- how many of you can say that?!

The 12th and 13th my friend April and I hosted a Girls Only Lock-Out at a friend's cabin. We learned more about how Jesus interacted with women in his time... and we learned that Falon can fit 20 twisted cheetos in her mouth at once!! (For those of you who think I have a big mouth, I only fit 8 in mine!) The Lock-Out was truly fun and I learned a lot about the women in Jesus' ministry... in fact, I'll probably talk about this in a later blog...

This past Sunday, I road a bike for the first time in like 10 years for the Family Bike Hike to Wasilla for a total of, get this, 24 miles!!! And I didn't die!! Amazing, I know. It was for a family event and we stopped for Rootbeer Floats half-way through our trip so I can't complain.

This coming weekend, I'm doing another overnighter with my youth but this time we're camping in the mountains. Then next week, the Alaska State Fair starts so we'll be spending a lot of time there too! Plus, we've got tobyMac coming in concert on Sept 1st and Third Day on October 4th, so we're all very excited!

Other than that, I've been planning for winter and confirmation and looking at possible events for next summer.

Whew! I'm tired of typing. There's been other more personal things going on too. I'll write about those after my office staff is gone just so I can save face in front of them... Talk to y'all later!