Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

This morning in my devotional time a piece of the book I'm reading struck me in a weird way. She was talking about the difference between positive thinkers and negative thinkers. We always assume (at least she and I do!) that positive thinkers include dumb blonde bimbos who don't know any better; whereas the "negative" thinkers just have more a grip on reality than others. Now, for anyone who truly knows me, y'all know that I fit these "negative" thinkers to a "T". Essentially though the author pointed out that we negative thinkers are really the dumb ones. Negative thinking leads to self-fulfilling prophecies, meaning that whatever we believe about ourselves and our worlds will come true. I guess the old addage is true "if you think you're going to lose, you will."

So what does this mean and why did it strike me so hard this morning? Well, you see, my lovely boyfriend will be joining the Air Force here soon and he'll be leaving Palmer (and me) to spend 5+ years outside training to be a para-rescuer. Generally, I'm okay with that. He needs to find some sort of direction in his life and, honestly, I've been the one encouraging him to sign up. But now, I don't know whether I should pray for him to leave or for him to stay. (There's a slim chance he may not pass the physical... long story...) So, I'm stuck in this dichotomy where I don't know which way is up, that is which way is God's way and which is mine...

Last night he told me he went to talk to the recruiter again and signed up to take the AF aptitude test Monday. Then we talked about how excited he was that Josh (pastor's son) is moving back to Alaska after graduating from Valpo. Then he said something that actually hurt my feelings alot and basically made me shut down for the rest of the evening for fear of bawling in front of him. He said, "Well, Josh being home gives you one more prospect." WHAT THE F?! Maybe it's his way of protecting himself but-- God!-- that really hurt! Can you imagine the boy you can feel yourself falling more and more in love with everyday, your boyfriend, telling you that he's checking out your prospects for when he's gone? Seriously, girls, how would that make you feel? Ugh... I don't know whether to cry or to gag.

So what's a girl to do? Do I start that negative thinking cycle again so that I come to believe that David isn't The One and that I WANT him to leave so I can get on with my life... Or do I start believing that even though he'll be gone for 5+ years, we can keep our friendship alive and maybe, just maybe, he'll come back to be with me simply because he loves me as much as I believe I love him...

I just don't know.