I can't believe I'm officially a college graduate, officially a certified DCE, officially a called and nearly-commissioned churchworker. It's hard to believe that a mere five years ago I was walking across a make-shift stage in OSH's football stadium graduating from high school. I know for a fact I didn't realize where I would be in 5 years. Who would've guessed I'd be living in Alaska? Who would've guessed I would have a hiking ministry? Who would've guessed my parents would be visiting me? Who would've guessed I'd be falling for a guy so different from myself? But it's true. It's all true.
Ah, how life changes.
Yet, no matter how much it's changed, it still goes on. Life continues... especially in churchwork! Summer time is here to stay and with 23 hours of sunlight it's great to be in Alaska. I'm looking forward to taking next week off to be with my parents but I know that once I come back to work on the 27th it'll be non-stop until I leave for Rene's wedding in October (and maybe Jen's, too)! I have to admit, I love being busy. Period. It helps me to keep my mind from over-analyzing things too much... of course, I'm not too busy right now so that means I'm allowed to over-analyze and be overly-concerned about things-- namely David.
Things with David are great. I truly enjoy being around him and doing things with him... but things for our future are unknown. He's leaving at the end of September to join the Air Force for the next 4-6 years minimum. Right now I want nothing more than to just pretend he's not leaving, that he's going to realize what we have and he'll stay and we'll live happily ever after but that's pretty naive of me. Maybe my feelings will be vaildated with a 'happily ever after' with him but it won't be for many more years. So, I don't know what to feel. I don't know how to go about beginning this inevitable conversation with him. (We've attempted to start talking about it but we're both so emotional about it it gets pretty ridiculous.) I've started coming to the conclusion that God is out to break my heart. He answers my prayers with this great friend, this great guy and then he goes and tears him away from me almost exactly 1 year after he's given him to me. How can a gracious and loving God make me feel so lonely and horrible?!
This is where great logical, vulcan friends come in. My lovely Kristy says: Maybe its God's plan for you to be single right now b/c he wants to use you to the best of his ability, b/c he knows that when you meet your future husband it'll happen so fast, things will need to be able to run on their own so that you can be distracted by him. Hannah translates it like this: Maybe David is leaving so that you can focus on your ministry so that when/if you guys date more seriously you can focus on him more. Thank God for friends like that. It may be what I want to hear right now but it comforts me. I know in my heart that God isn't just out to break me down, He's out to make me stronger-- a stronger child, a stronger friend, a stronger leader and a stronger wife.
So, BRING IT ON, GOD! I can take it... as long as You're with me!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
A Real DCE
Posted by Jamie Lynn at 11:55 AM
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My dearest Jamie J:
know that when you're in the valley, God doesn't "slap you around" or "give you something to just tear it away and break your heart". Generally, you've been slapped around enough, either by yourself or by the circumstances you've made for yourself. God doesn't ask us to pull ourselves out of the mess of our lives--otherwise we'd be sitting around in muck the rest of our lives. I'm reminded of a passage found in 1 Kings, chapter 19 that says this, "11Then he (elijah) was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by." A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; 12and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper. 13When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, "So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here?" (the message)
Our God isn't a God of chaos; he's a God of peace and of rest. God isn't a God of destruction, He is a God of healing. God is our dwelling place, our home, in him we find comfort. That doesn't mean that we won't hurt, that we won't grieve, that we won't suffer loss and heartbreak, it means that we don't have to suffer it alone. We have a God who loves us so much that he sent his son to us, to walk with us, struggle with us, grieve with us, suffer heartbreak. Isn't that amazing?
Romans 8:38-39 says, "38For I know that nothing can keep us from the love of God. Death cannot! Life cannot! Angels cannot! Leaders cannot! Any other power cannot! Hard things now or in the future cannot! 39The world above or the world below cannot! Any other living thing cannot keep us away from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord." (ESV)
You are still a beloved, treasured, cherished child of God, he loves you unconditionally (agape love!) and wants to help you out of the heartbreak, the fear, that you're wandering around in. His light will shine through the gentle whisper of his Word and through the encouragement and prayers of your friends, mentors and family... He's still there.
So, dear Jamie, let go and let God heal your heart, and you'll be suprised at what He is capable of.
Developing Patience
Romans 5:1-5 (The Message)
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us--set us right with him, make us fit for him--we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand--out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary--we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
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