I did it all for the nook...

I'm addicted to watching the WB version of "Sex and the City". Last night's episode was the one where Carrie and Aidan get back together-- she walks and diapers his dog, confronts him about a waitress she's seen him with a lot-- overall her whole goal in the relationship, as she tells Samantha at least, is to get back into the nook.

Like Carrie, I like being in the nook too. It's one of the most comfortable places in the world to be in that place between a mans heart and his head, to have his arm draped around you and yours around him... it gives you a wonderful sense of being loved without question. That is, until questions come up. What if that nook isn't the nook you're supposed to be in? What if that person's nook belongs to someone else? What if that person doesn't want you in their nook? What do you do then?

I've come to the conclusion that every relationship has those questions, at least every relationship I have been in has had them. Perhaps that's why I'm still in the same place I've been in since day one-- single. They (yes, the proverbial "they") always say that when you meet The One, you know. Well, is that really true? When you meet the person you're going to marry, do all these questions subside? When you marry that person God has made specifically for you, are there no more question-marks in your relationship? I find it difficult to believe that's true... then again, I obviously haven't met my One otherwise I'd be with him right now, right?

I want to be in that nook, that questionless nook, forever and ever amen. But life isn't like that. Life isn't ever fair is it?

It’s true life is often not fair; at least when we insist things always go and be the way we want. Then, of course things seem unfair. That’s where the "not fair" problems begin: with the self. Buddha called it "attachment." When we are attached to our selfish desires, when we expect that people behave the way we want them to, when we insist on the world being totally the way we want--this is what causes suffering. The Torah teaches us to do good deeds for others, mitzvahs, and to not be so preoccupied with our own concerns. Christ taught us to love our neighbor, and put ourselves aside; he also taught us to love God with all our being. When we are selfless and non-attached; when we put ourselves aside and let love grow beyond our preconceived, limited desires--then life truly is fair. When you align yourself with the will of God, you become God’s partner, and rise above the level of reacting and attachment to the way you think everything should go. God directs you, and everything is fine. Sure, life is hard--things don’t go the way you want--it seems hard. But you talk it out, work it out, do your best, and let your Creator lead the way. You’ll be not only fine, you’ll see that all is fair. Ask yourself this today: Is my problem the result of my selfish attachments and limited desires? Norris Chumley, www.beliefnet.com

Well obviously, yes, all my problems are the result of selfish attachments and desires. That nook I want... the creation of Jamieland... it's all a creation of selfish attachments and desires. And the funny part is that I want to attach myself more to Christ and his teachings, to care more about others than myself, but I'm always making excuses as to why I'm not already there and why I can't be there right now. I know in my head that I should align myself with God's will, to allow Him to direct me in every way... maybe the reason why I'm not there is because I doubt in my heart that He can fix me, my desires and my attachments. I don't want to doubt but I do. So that leads me to the question of the day: How do you un-doubt your heart?