Goodbyes...

Goodbyes are quite possibly the most difficult thing humans have to go through. Whether you're saying goodbye for the night or for a year, it's hard to come up with the words to show someone how much you're going to miss them.

When I was little, goodbyes were part of my repitoire. I moved with my family a lot and the goodbyes never got easier. Leaving Arizona I left my best friend, Allegra Todd, and to this day I don't know what happened to her. Leaving California, Pennsylvania and Missouri were the same way. I never wanted to leave any of those places. I hated saying goodbye because after a while I learned that once you say goodbye things are never the same.

My freshman year of college was amazing. My roommate and I quickly became the best of friends and had a wonderful year full of laughter and counting bruises. The day we moved out of our room was difficult. It was the end of an era, a short era but still an era. We weren't going to be roommate again and I knew my friendship with her would never be the same. I think I cried until my parent's and I crossed the state line. It was difficult for me to say goodbye to Rene. In addition to Rene, saying goodbye to all my DCE friends (as well as all my other college friends too) at the end of school and internship. We had been together for 4 years and all of a sudden we were spread to the ends of the earth.

Ultimately, this blog is about me successfully saying goodbye to someone I've fallen in love with. I've said goodbye to other boys through other relationships but somehow, this one hurts more. Perhaps it's because, this time, I'm the one saying behind. Perhaps it's because, this time, I've felt more than I ever have before. Perhaps it's because, this time, I've known this boy for almost 2 years. Regardless of the reason, goodbyes are difficult.

I realize that I've blogged before about seeing the light at the end of this relationship. And I know that I have but for the time being I've been ignoring it. Trying to make myself believe that he's not leaving... that the things he believes about us weren't true... that he's going to stay and be my prince charming. But I have to face the truth-- I feel like a fool for loving him the way I did when I swore to myself that I wouldn't allow my heart to break for a fourth time. But here I sit, alone again in a world of doubt and depression I've created for myself.

The hope is found in this: I can see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I know that God has big plans for me and my life. Right now just wasn't the time for David and I to be together-- that time will probably never exist-- and I'm okay with that.

So goodbye David. See you around.