The Lack Of

There really isn't much blogworthy going on in my life right now. I'm not struggling with my kids, I'm not frustrated at work and I'm not questioning my relationship-- all topics I typically blog about. So I thought I'd take a moment of my precious time (and yours too) to blog about something that's constantly on my mind: money.

Greenbacks. Pesos. Moolah. Denarii. All of it consumes my every thought. When I should be thinking about caring for my youth or spending time with the boy, my mind is actually consumed with questions like, "I wonder if that check has cleared yet?" or "Do I have enough for this?" or "How in Hades am I going to pay all these medical bills?" Just this week I had to return a really cute (and much needed!) pair of shoes so I could afford to eat... And with all these foot problems and with Bristol moving out next week, money is definitely something that's been on my mind.

Now, I realize what y'all are thinking: James, you chose to be this poor. You knew there was no money in church work. True. All true. I mean, I am the girl whose spiritual gift is voluntary poverty. I guess I just didn't realize exactly what that meant... I knew it wasn't going to be easy but sometimes I fear that these all-consuming-thoughts overcome everything else that's more important in life: Jesus. Church. Family. Boy. Friends. The Possibility of School.

Where does God want me to go? What does He expect me to do with all of this nothing? What am I supposed to learn?


To depend on Him... that's it. Simple, isn't it?
Wouldn't it be nice if paying medical bills was that simple?